The FBI’s investigation of Anthony Weiner has led them back to the Hillary Clinton email scandal. Donald Trump is in such a good mood right now that he’s taking his family out for Mexican tonight.
Let’s Not and Say We Did
Donald Trump now wants us to cancel the election and just give him the presidency. There’s a lesson here for the kids: One day you too can grow up rich and white, act like a jackass and expect to be president.
You’ve Got to Urn it
The Vatican has ruled that Catholics are no longer allowed to scatter their cremation ashes – because if they ever have follow-up questions regarding your death, they want to know where to find you.
It’s a Bit of a Stretch
Yesterday 300 people marched down a Rhode Island street protesting a reporter who wrote that older women shouldn’t wear yoga pants in public. Today that reporter has doubled down, and he now wants camels to wear shoes.
Hands-Free
Tesla has announced that soon all of their cars will have self-driving capabilities. Standard models will have vision, sonar, and radar sensors, and a deluxe model offers multi-directional middle fingers.
Old Time Rock and Roll
Legendary guitarist Chuck Berry is celebrating his 90th birthday by releasing his first album in 38 years. It’s called, “Go, Johnny, go get the nurse!”
Air Force Run!
Donald Trump said that a woman accusing him of sexual assault on a plane would not have been his “first choice.” Right back at you, Donald.
More Than Words
Republicans are so disgusted by Trump’s lewd comments that some are now using the transgender locker room.
Immature Audiences Only
Warning: Tonight’s presidential debate may be unsuitable for children under 17. This program may contain one or more of the following: crude indecent language (L), explicit sexual activity (S), or graphic violence (V). Enjoy.
Blowhard
Governor Rick Scott warns Floridians that they are still not safe and there’s a chance they haven’t seen the worst of it. Of course he’s talking about this Sunday’s presidential debate.