A Claude Monet painting sold for $81.4 million at a New York auction yesterday. This price might sound outrageous to some, but I’ve heard of more ridiculous things – like Donald Trump is going to be president.
He’s at the Cantina
Carrie Fisher confirmed that while filming Star Wars she had an affair with Harrison Ford, who was married at the time. And it was especially hard on Chewbacca, who had to keep covering for him.
Incredible Source
Facebook and Google are taking action to stop the spread of fake news stories on social media. I bet Fidel Castro would have found that interesting if he hadn’t have died yesterday.
Season Finale
No matter who wins the election tonight I’m certain that God has a plan and will show us how to move forward as a nation. Of course, I’m joking. We’ll all be dead by morning.
The Fun Never Starts
This election has had me anxious for so long I haven’t even had time to start dreading Thanksgiving and Christmas.
They call me “The Hammer”
My entire life I’ve tried to treat people with respect, listen to their problems, put their needs before mine, and it has gotten me nowhere. So starting now, that shit is over. But first, I’d like to apologize to anyone I may have offended by this post.
Take the Hint
President Obama criticized FBI director James Comey by stating “we don’t operate on innuendo.” Comey is still trying to figure out what Obama meant, but promises to get back to us real soon.
At Least They’re Not Raisins
Not one kid knocked on my door asking for candy this Halloween. Now I’m gonna have to eat all these razor blades.
In Her Words
This Thursday Melania Trump will deliver her first speech since the Republican National Convention, where she plagiarized Michelle Obama. This time she has promised not to make the same mistake, and will instead pull from Nancy Reagan.
Pusherman
Donald Trump Jr. helped a motorist push her stalled vehicle out of the road in Arizona. The woman was shocked when she found out who he was and screamed, “there are two of you?”