This year Santa left Planter’s low-sodium peanuts in my Christmas stocking. I can only guess that he ran out of coal.
Typhoid Merry
Donald Trump pledges to stop the war on Christmas and to start one with everyone else.
Spend it All in One Place
Every Christmas, at the very last minute, I frantically print out gift cards for my family. But this year I put some thought into it. I’m going to use the “best quality” setting.
White Christmas
A white woman from Kentucky unleashed a racist rant at a hispanic customer while shopping at JC Penny. Donald Trump has condemned her behavior and might even sue her for leaking his inaugural address.
Santagate
Kids sure are growing up fast these days. Last night I read my 5-year-old niece Twas the Night Before Christmas and she told me it sounded like fake news.
High Marx
Pop singer Richard Marx helped subdue an unruly passenger on a Korean Air flight. The man started behaving erratically when he learned that Marx had somehow managed to marry Latina beauty Daisy Fuentes.
Join the Klub
A&E Network is set to air a documentary series about present-day KKK culture. Four Klan families have agreed to these in-depth interviews, with hopes that you’ll keep an open mind.
An Absolute Life-Saver
Yesterday Dr. Henry Heimlich was tragically outmanoeuvred.
Why You All Up in My Grill?
Donald Trump is upset about the scathing review Vanity Fair magazine gave his restaurant. But he’s even more upset with good friend Vladimir Putin, who knew about the article months ago and didn’t tell him.
Force of Habit
Consumer reports claim that E-cigarette explosions are on the rise, however the source of the story couldn’t be identified.