When I was 5 months old my mother accidentally dropped me on my head. But ever since then it’s always been on purpose.
Monthly Archives: January 2017
The Price of Love
The cost of raising a child has been calculated at roughly $233,000. Just to put that in perspective, you can get 233 vasectomies for that kind of money.
In the Tank
Today SeaWorld San Diego is ending its long-running killer whale show after years of public outcry. It will be replaced with a new exhibit showcasing porpoises with non-violent criminal records.
Bosom Baddies
A California man serving a life sentence for murder has received sex re-assignment surgery and will be transferred to a women’s prison. Tom Hanks is already looking at a preliminary script.
Who Asked You
The problem with social media is that everyone thinks their opinion matters and needs to be heard. Well that’s my 2 cents.
Low on Fluids
In Dormont, PA, a woman gave birth at a car dealership while waiting to get an oil change. The mother and child are both doing fine and will head home once they finish the tire rotation.
Someone Sure Dropped the Ball
If Dick Clark had been alive to see Mariah Carey’s disastrous performance on his legendary show, I bet he would’ve had a stroke.
You Drive
Last night my Uber driver was so drunk I had to give him a ride home.