Pope Francis has decided that women will now be included in the Holy Thursday foot-washing rituals during Easter week. And if that doesn’t get rid of the smell, he may just move the whole service outside.
Monthly Archives: January 2016
Track Record
Track Palin was arrested for domestic violence against his girlfriend, interfering with a police report, and possessing a firearm while intoxicated – all on the same day his mother, Sarah endorsed Donald Trump for president. Somewhere right now Ted Cruz is sipping a margarita.
At the Crack of Don
“American Pie” composer Don McLean has been arrested for domestic assault. He became violent after his spouse informed him that the levee was actually wet.
Day at the Museum
A woman was arrested for indecent exposure after lying down naked in front of a painting at the Musee d’Orsay in Paris. While some spectators found it inappropriate, a visiting group of 12-year-old schoolboys have called it the best field trip ever.
It’s a Juicy Part
Cuba Gooding Jr. chose not to meet with OJ Simpson as part of his research for the FX television series in which he portrays the fallen NFL star. He didn’t want OJ to influence his performance, or to viciously murder him from across the table.
Storm Out
Miss Washington USA Stormy Keffler has returned her crown after news of a DUI conviction has gone public. Pageant officials were unaware of her drinking problem, as most of the other contestants had also exhibited mood swings and incoherent speech.
Which One Are You?
Backstreet Boy Nick Carter was arrested for starting a bar fight in Key West, FL. The responding officers quickly became irritated and confused, having been told they would get to meet Justin Timberlake.
I’ll Show You
If I win the Powerball jackpot I’m going to give all of it to my ex-girlfriend, and then she will finally realize how stupid she was to break up with me.
Get Shorty
Sean Penn’s secret meeting with “El Chapo” may have ultimately led to the drug lord’s capture. Mexican special forces simply followed Penn’s trail of broken cameras and injured paparazzi.
On the Right-Wings of Love
Rupert Murdoch and Jerry Hall have announced their engagement. Some say she is only marrying him for his money, but those close to her profess that it’s his compassionless conservatism that melted her heart.