Tonight I was playing blocks with my 4-year-old niece and every time I reached for one she said that it was hers. As I am no stranger to politics, I gave her 50 bucks and we now expect the esplanade project to be completed by early January.
Monthly Archives: December 2015
Be the Change
I have a late-night Taco Bell habit that I’m trying to break. Tonight it took all of my self-control to drive past the restaurant without pulling in. However, I did stop at Wendy’s because my prostitute wanted a Frosty.
I Know a Place
Last night I called an UBER cab and my driver was none other than Soul Legend Mavis Staples. I asked her to drop me off at the nearest strip club and, ironically, she would not take me there.
Get On Up
I no longer wake up to my alarm clock’s buzzer, so I purchased a live rooster. Initially I would rise at the sound of his first crow, but now I just punch him in the face every 9 minutes.
Baby Shares
Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced that he and his wife will be donating 99% of their company stock to charitable causes over the course of their life. Upon hearing this news, their newborn baby daughter uttered her first words – “Wait…what now?”