A Georgia woman was asked to leave an LA Fitness when she was spotted publicly breast feeding her child. The mother claims her rights were violated, while the gym manager insists he was simply enforcing their “no outside food or drink” policy.

At Florida International University, a man was arrested for crawling under library tables and smelling a woman’s feet. In response to the incident, students are now advised to wear double-ply socks to class.

A 14-year-old Muslim boy was detained for bringing a “hoax bomb” to class, when it was just a homemade clock.  The police and school administration are now trying to convince the boy’s family that it was only a “hoax arrest.”

A JetBlue passenger relieved himself on fellow travelers during an Oregon-bound flight yesterday. As a preventative move, the TSA is now implementing a carry-on limit of only 4 fl oz of urine per passenger.

A Hungarian camerawoman publicly apologized for tripping and kicking Syrian refugees as they fled police last Tuesday. “We feel she has learned her lesson and should now be allowed to move on with her life,” said Bill Cosby and Walter Palmer, the lion killer.

A dead squirrel found in Lake Tahoe, California, has tested positive for the plague, authorities said. This is bad news for vacationing swimmers, but good news for acorns.

The Minnesota dentist who killed Cecil the Lion broke his silence today. Despite causing an international outrage, he still hoped the Zimbabwe government would let him keep the head as a trophy – but all they gave him was a little plaque.