A Florida woman was arrested for beating her husband after repeatedly asking him to stop farting in bed. Most women think he deserved it, but I offer you this in his defense – he is a man and he was in bed.

Yesterday hackers broke into the Hello Kitty fan site exposing the personal information of its 30 million users. You may recall this also happening to the Ashley Madison website back in August, making this the second time in 5 months I’ve had to change my passwords.

Last night celebrity host Steve Harvey accidentally crowned the wrong woman Miss Universe. Today Miss Philippines sits on the victory throne while Miss Colombia sits face down in a mountain of cocaine.

I ran into Chewbacca at the European Wax Center this morning. His girlfriend was trying to talk him into getting a “manzilian”, but he was concerned that it might grow back thicker.

I’m hearing that this Harrison Ford guy is doing a good job in the newest chapter of the Star Wars saga. Even so, for my money, Sean Connery was always the best Han Solo.

Bill Cosby has filed a defamation suit against 7 of his accusers. He claims that these women have caused so much damage to his career that even Fat Albert has stopped talking to him.

A Toronto model known as “Fashion Santa” has caught the eye of many women by taking on a slimmer and hipper version of the Christmas icon. Mrs. Claus commented that she finds this portrayal most unappealing, but she’s always been a chubby chaser.

NFL quarterback Michael Vick went to Washington to lobby for a law to protect animals left in hot vehicles. He argued that a hot car is no place for a dog. That dog belongs in the ring.