Fashion designer and miniskirt pioneer Andre Courreges has died at the age of 92. The family chose to have a closed-casket funeral, just in case he wasn’t wearing any panties.
Category Archives: current events
5 Seconds of Bummer
I just received the new issue of Rolling Stone and there are 4 naked boys on the cover. For a moment I thought I accidentally got my neighbor’s copy of Inside the Vatican.
Flu Season
This morning I went to Walgreens and got the “Affluenza” vaccine. It seems to be working. I no longer want to hang out in Mexican strip clubs with my mother.
Have Another
Parents who violated the former 1-child policy in China are asking to have their fines dismissed, now that it is legal to have 2 children. They believe that having 2 children is punishment enough.
Repeat Performance
Las Vegas police are investigating singer Chris Brown in the possible assault of a woman. Brown claims that he was feeling pressure from his record label, who threatened to drop him unless he turned out another hit this year.
Slash That
The original members of Guns n Roses are discussing a reunion tour next year, but concert promoters and investors are insisting that the band must be drug-free. This just in: Guns n Roses will not be touring next year.
I’ll Be Right Out
Hillary Clinton has been named the “most admired woman living in the world” for the 14th consecutive year, according to a Gallup poll. Representatives for Gallup.com were unable to contact Mrs. Clinton about her win because she was taking a crap.
Up with the Lark
Today the world lost Meadowlark Lemon, the “clown prince” of the Harlem Globetrotters. He will be remembered for his agility, his smile, and his humanity – but mostly for pulling down a referee’s pants 4 times a week.
Up All Night
The California Department of Corrections has received several complaints from its inmates stating they are not sleeping well due to clanging gates and guard noises. Some convicts are so tired the next day they can barely muster up the strength to rape their cellmate.
Let’s Wait Awhile
Janet Jackson is postponing her “Unbreakable” tour so that she can have an unspecified surgical procedure. All the dates will be re-scheduled for the spring under the new title – the “Not Quite 100 Percent” tour.