Bac Duong, one of the 3 escaped California prisoners, has turned himself in to authorities. The other two men are still in hiding, currently wondering why Duong is taking so long in the bathroom.
Category Archives: current events
I Remember It Well
A new study shows that only 1 out of 4 older adults tell their doctor that they are experiencing memory loss, as the other 3 completely missed their appointments.
Shake It Off
Last night Bill O’Reilly agreed to forgive Donald Trump’s milkshake debt if Trump would participate in tonight’s debate on FOX News. It was a smart move, as O’Reilly’s milkshakes have historically brought all the boys to the yard.
Going Out of Business
El Salvador is advising its women to not have babies for 2 years in response to the Zika virus outbreak. And once again, I have picked the wrong time and place to launch my Central American sperm bank franchise.
I’ll Be Fine
A government advisory group has recommended that all adults get screened for depression as part of a routine checkup, news of which is really bumming out the 33 million Americans who still don’t have health insurance.
Selling Like Hotcakes
McDonald’s is experiencing a boost in sales since launching the new all-day breakfast menu. However, some customers are questioning their decision to only serve hamburgers between 7:30 and 8:45am.
It’s in the Mail
Unabomber Ted Kaczynski has sent thousands of letters to friends and supporters during his 17-year prison sentence. Knowing his violent history I was hesitant to open mine, but to my pleasant surprise it was a Starbucks gift card.
Curse of the Pharaoh
In Egypt, 8 museum workers are facing disciplinary action for knocking off King Tut’s beard and then glueing it back on with epoxy. As punishment, they will all have to continue working in a boring museum.
Cold Enough For Ya
This weekend the East Coast is preparing for a snowstorm of epic proportions. Forecasters are saying it could be a bigger whiteout than next month’s Oscars.
Pew
Pope Francis has decided that women will now be included in the Holy Thursday foot-washing rituals during Easter week. And if that doesn’t get rid of the smell, he may just move the whole service outside.