Donald Trump is now telling consumers to boycott Apple products. At first I didn’t want to turn off my iPhone, but to my pleasant surprise it has reduced my exposure to his ridiculous tweets.
Category Archives: current events
Saved by the Shell
University of Texas students will soon be allowed to carry handguns into the classroom. Because not only will it make campus safer, it will provide the student with some bargaining power when trying to change that D+ to a C-.
Let ‘Em In
A German short-haired pointer named CJ won “Best in Show” at the Westminster dog show last night. And to everyone’s disbelief, Paul McCartney’s English sheepdog Martha was turned away at the after-party.
Say Something
Yesterday George W. Bush spoke in South Carolina in an attempt to help rescue his brother Jeb’s fading presidential campaign. Inspired by the gesture, Bill Cosby reached out to Roman Polanski for some words of support.
Ay Yay Yay
Pope Francis visited Mexico City and was festively greeted by a Mariachi band. The Pope pretended to enjoy the first song, but then he gave the guys $20 to go bother another table.
Wiener Roast
Burger King announced it will start selling hot dogs in all of its restaurants. It was a decision of simple economics, as prior to this they would just throw away any meat that hit the floor.
Baby Come Back
The Los Angeles sheriff’s office accidentally released a prisoner who was awaiting a trial for murder. They have spent the morning trying to bring him back to jail, but so far he hasn’t returned any of their phone calls.
The Patriot Act
Lady Gaga will be singing the national anthem at this Sunday’s Super Bowl. She is thrilled for the opportunity to demonstrate her allegiance, and also for another chance to wear her meat suit.
Play the Field
This constant news coverage of the Iowa Caucus is making me corny.
The Price of Freedom
The 2 remaining escaped inmates were captured after being spotted at a San Francisco Whole Foods Market. The fugitives blew their cover while arguing over how they could have gotten everything cheaper at Trader Joe’s.