President Obama danced the tango at a state dinner in Argentina last night while Donald Trump and Ted Cruz stayed at home in America and continued to do the hustle.
Category Archives: current events
Ms. Trial
Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has signed a deal to be the judge on a reality courtroom TV show. It will be the only legal drama in which every episode the judge pleads insanity.
Keep Calm and Carry-on
At LAX, a flight attendant abandoned her luggage which was later discovered to contain 69 lbs. of cocaine. Honestly, you’d think that of all people, a flight attendant would know there is a 50 lb. limit on bags.
Fun for the Whole Familia
Today President Obama is visiting Cuba. He’s there to introduce his newest plan – to close GTMO and re-open it as a Dave and Buster’s.
Rant and Rave
Ultra Music Fest is taking place in Miami this weekend. It’s where America’s youth can behave like animals while listening to total garbage. Like a Trump rally for kids.
On the Ropes
Hulk Hogan is suing gossip website Gawker for posting a video of him having sex with his best friend’s wife. Hogan claims that just like professional wrestling, it wasn’t real.
Bum Tip
A homeless man from San Francisco was the one who helped police capture the escaped inmates from Orange County jail last month. Authorities were going to give him the $100,000 reward, but then decided he’d probably just spend it on whiskey.
Leaked Footage
A video has surfaced in which a Kellogg’s employee is casually urinating on a cereal assembly line. Frosted Flakes representative Tony the Tiger went on record saying THEY’RE GR-R-REATly disturbed by the incident.
Low Spirits
A brawl broke out on a Spirit Airline flight and a video has since gone viral. I haven’t seen so many stupid people behaving this badly since yesterday’s Trump rally.
Secret Ingredient
Nestle USA is recalling millions of its frozen dinners because they may contain glass. However, outside the danger of cutting yourself, the nutritional value of most of their meals has actually increased.