Yesterday was the 400th anniversary of William Shakespeare’s death. In remembrance, I’ve been spending the afternoon re-reading several of his greatest CliffsNotes.
Category Archives: current events
Mad Props
In Nogales, Ariz., a watermelon truck was stopped and searched, revealing 7 tons of marijuana. In other news, comedian Leo Gallagher has cancelled his show in Tucson this evening.
Game of Thrones
First B.B. King, then Ben E. King, and now Prince. I hope Queen Latifah has good health insurance.
O No She Didn’t
Oprah Winfrey surprised one of her online Weight Watchers classes by showing up in person. She commended their efforts, but suggested they stop meeting in the back room of a Haagen-Dazs.
Call a Plumber
Target stores have announced that transgender people are welcome to use the restroom of their choice. That being said, one store manager has asked that whoever keeps flushing tampons down the urinal to please stop it.
Back in Five
A Tennessee woman was arrested for child neglect after leaving her baby in a hot car while she went into a strip club for an audition. But this story has a happy ending. She got the job.
Public Enemies
Johnny Depp’s wife has apologized to the Australian government for not declaring her two terriers during a visit last year. However, they are still waiting for Johnny’s apology for trying to sneak by one of his dogs – 2013’s Lone Ranger remake.
Please Excuse Me
Today the Pope met with Bernie Sanders, but cut the visit short after explaining he had to go to Lesbos to pick up 3 families of Syrian refugees. Sanders grew skeptical and told the Pontiff that if he didn’t want to hang out, next time just say so.
Free Parking
The National Park Service is waiving all entrance fees for one whole week. They feel that every American, no matter what income bracket, deserves the chance to be eaten by a bear.
Da Rats
The city of Chicago is experiencing a growing rat problem. The commissioner says they are thriving on open garbage and dog droppings, but it’s none of my business what their elected officials eat for lunch.