It is no longer certain that Marco Rubio or Jeb Bush will secure the presidential primary in their home state. Republicans are now leaning toward Everglades resident and “Grassroots” candidate, the Florida Skunk Ape. He’s tougher on gator crime.
Category Archives: community
Benched
Today I reported for jury duty but was dismissed almost immediately. I didn’t even get to tell them about my most recent UFO sighting, or my thoughts on 9/11.
Nap Time
A Southern Oklahoma day care center is under investigation for child abuse on suspicion of drugging children with liquid Benadryl to get them to sleep. Most of the parents are outraged as everyone knows you give them whiskey.
Rode Werk
I exspect more from my tax dollars.
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Sorry to See You Go
I once belonged to a vicious street gang that threatened to kill me if I ever tried to leave. Well I got myself out and I’m still alive, but they are relentless with the emails asking me to renew my membership.
Asleep at the Wheel
The enormous variable message signs above I-95 currently read “Alert Drivers Can Avoid a Crash”. Maybe that’s helpful, but when I roll down my window and scream, “Eyes on the road, asshole!” fewer tax dollars are wasted.
Let It Ride
My driving instructor told me one way to avoid road rage is to pretend you know the driver of the offending car, that way you are more likely to stay calm. Yesterday some jackhole cut me off in traffic so I pretended he was my friend Orlando. It worked for a minute until I remembered that Orlando owed me 500 bucks. I ran that prick off the road.