The city of Chicago is experiencing a growing rat problem. The commissioner says they are thriving on open garbage and dog droppings, but it’s none of my business what their elected officials eat for lunch.

A small house finch landed on Bernie Sander’s podium while he was giving a speech on Saturday. It was a welcome distraction from the vultures that have been circling his campaign bus.

In an online tweet, Donald Trump threatened to “spill the beans” about Ted Cruz’s wife. Cruz is furious at Trump, not only for going after his family, but for potentially wasting perfectly good legumes.

Today President Obama is visiting Cuba. He’s there to introduce his newest plan – to close GTMO and re-open it as a Dave and Buster’s.

NASCAR CEO Brian France is receiving internal backlash for endorsing Donald Trump. It appears that the average race car fan feels that Donald might give white trash a bad name.

Last night Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, and John Kasich all agreed to support Donald Trump if he becomes the Republican presidential nominee. As a thank you, Donald offered them all honorary degrees from his prestigious Trump University.

This constant news coverage of the Iowa Caucus is making me corny.

Last night Bill O’Reilly agreed to forgive Donald Trump’s milkshake debt if Trump would participate in tonight’s debate on FOX News. It was a smart move, as O’Reilly’s milkshakes have historically brought all the boys to the yard.

Track Palin was arrested for domestic violence against his girlfriend, interfering with a police report, and possessing a firearm while intoxicated – all on the same day his mother, Sarah endorsed Donald Trump for president. Somewhere right now Ted Cruz is sipping a margarita.

Hillary Clinton has been named the “most admired woman living in the world” for the 14th consecutive year, according to a Gallup poll. Representatives for Gallup.com were unable to contact Mrs. Clinton about her win because she was taking a crap.