No matter who wins the election tonight I’m certain that God has a plan and will show us how to move forward as a nation. Of course, I’m joking. We’ll all be dead by morning.

This election has had me anxious for so long I haven’t even had time to start dreading Thanksgiving and Christmas.

This Thursday Melania Trump will deliver her first speech since the Republican National Convention,  where she plagiarized Michelle Obama. This time she has promised not to make the same mistake, and will instead pull from Nancy Reagan.

Donald Trump Jr. helped a motorist push her stalled vehicle out of the road in Arizona. The woman was shocked when she found out who he was and screamed, “there are two of you?”

The FBI’s investigation of Anthony Weiner has led them back to the Hillary Clinton email scandal. Donald Trump is in such a good mood right now that he’s taking his family out for Mexican tonight.

Donald Trump now wants us to cancel the election and just give him the presidency. There’s a lesson here for the kids: One day you too can grow up rich and white, act like a jackass and expect to be president.

Donald Trump said that a woman accusing him of sexual assault on a plane would not have been his “first choice.”  Right back at you, Donald.

Republicans are so disgusted by Trump’s lewd comments that some are now using the transgender locker room.