Pres. Obama went to Flint, Michigan and drank a glass of filtered water, hoping to ease the minds of its citizens. And now Chipotle restaurants have asked Obama if he will stop in and eat a chicken burrito.
Category Archives: health and wellness
This Isn’t Working Out
Sports Authority announced it will be closing all of its stores. Man…and I was just thinking about finally getting in shape. Pizza tonight, anyone?
O No She Didn’t
Oprah Winfrey surprised one of her online Weight Watchers classes by showing up in person. She commended their efforts, but suggested they stop meeting in the back room of a Haagen-Dazs.
I Go To Rio
The Brazilian tourism board is concerned that ticket sales for the 2016 Summer Olympics are currently only at 50 percent. To drum up business, they are now offering bottomless Caipirinhas if while visiting you contract the Zika virus.
The Road to Recovery
Yesterday President Obama announced that more Americans die from opioid overdoses than from traffic accidents. He believes we can reverse this troubling statistic by coming together as a nation and driving really shitty.
I Remember It Well
A new study shows that only 1 out of 4 older adults tell their doctor that they are experiencing memory loss, as the other 3 completely missed their appointments.
Going Out of Business
El Salvador is advising its women to not have babies for 2 years in response to the Zika virus outbreak. And once again, I have picked the wrong time and place to launch my Central American sperm bank franchise.
I’ll Be Fine
A government advisory group has recommended that all adults get screened for depression as part of a routine checkup, news of which is really bumming out the 33 million Americans who still don’t have health insurance.
Born Yesterday
An Arizona Highway Patrolman assisted a pregnant woman with a roadside delivery yesterday evening. The officer quickly assessed the situation and then ordered the baby to come out with his hands up.
Manly Men
Charlie Sheen announced this morning that he has been HIV-positive for the past 4 years. Yet still, Jon Cryer is the one who can’t get laid.