Hillary Clinton was diagnosed with pneumonia this past weekend, and now the Democratic Party has a bad case of the shits.
Category Archives: health and wellness
Suck On This
After a 7-week vacation, congress failed to pass a bill funding Zika prevention. And I thought the mosquitoes were the bloodsuckers.
Labor Pains
I just spent the 3-day weekend with a stomach virus. The worst part was not knowing how I got it – that plus the vomiting and diarrhea.
Lousy Pricks
The price of the allergy injection EpiPen has inflated 400%, just like my cheeks if I accidentally eat shellfish.
Say Hello to my Little Friend
The CDC has now listed Miami Beach as the next zone affected by the Zika virus. So if you’ve ever wanted to see a topless mosquito, now’s your chance.
Scratch That
McDonald’s will stop putting fitness trackers in their Happy Meals, as some children have experienced a skin irritation from the wristband. Instead they will bring back their most popular toy, the Grimace Insulin travel kit.
Reality Bites
Dating in Miami is more difficult than in most cities. Now women can use Zika as a legitimate excuse not to sleep with me.
Word of Mouth
The Associated Press reported that there is no scientific evidence to support the benefits of flossing. “I knew it!” said Gummy McNoTeeth.
I Go To Pee-o
The waterways of Rio de Janeiro are so filthy right now that even the bacteria doesn’t want to go swimming.
Bite me, Bruh
Mosquitoes carrying the Zika virus have been detected in the trendy urban arts district of Wynwood, Miami, giving me yet another reason to hate hipsters.