It’s never too early to start thinking about your retirement. That’s why I moved to Florida when I turned 18.
Category Archives: health and wellness
Match Game
The man who pioneered modern-day organ transplant surgery has died at age 90. He leaves behind a wife, 2 kids and a cooler full of unused spleens.
Bosom Baddies
A California man serving a life sentence for murder has received sex re-assignment surgery and will be transferred to a women’s prison. Tom Hanks is already looking at a preliminary script.
An Absolute Life-Saver
Yesterday Dr. Henry Heimlich was tragically outmanoeuvred.
Force of Habit
Consumer reports claim that E-cigarette explosions are on the rise, however the source of the story couldn’t be identified.
Not in My Lifetime
A study has shown that life expectancy for Americans has decreased by one month. It seems that some people will do anything not to see Donald Trump inaugurated next January.
New Prescription
The Dr Pepper Snapple Group has purchased Bai antioxidant drinks in an effort to offer healthier alternatives. Dr Pepper finally realized that a Snapple a day does not keep the doctor away, but instead causes type 2 diabetes.
No Bones About It
Tyson Food Inc. is voluntarily recalling their Panko chicken nuggets after pieces of “hard white plastic” were discovered inside them. But at least for once customers knew what they were eating.
Immune Over Miami
Florida governor Rick Scott announced that the trendy Wynwood district of Miami is now clear of Zika-carrying mosquitoes thanks to aggressive aerial-spraying. It was such a success that tomorrow they will begin spraying against the hipsters.
Freaky Freitag
Yesterday Donald Trump told Dr. Oz he hasn’t been to a hospital since he was 11 years old, back when he switched brains with Hitler.