Rupert Murdoch and Jerry Hall have announced their engagement. Some say she is only marrying him for his money, but those close to her profess that it’s his compassionless conservatism that melted her heart.
All posts by JCR
Roommate Wanted
Hugh Hefner is selling the Playboy Mansion for $200 million, but if you buy it he gets to stay there until he dies. No deal, Hef. I hear you like to throw parties and I’ve got to study.
Fashionably Late
Fashion designer and miniskirt pioneer Andre Courreges has died at the age of 92. The family chose to have a closed-casket funeral, just in case he wasn’t wearing any panties.
5 Seconds of Bummer
I just received the new issue of Rolling Stone and there are 4 naked boys on the cover. For a moment I thought I accidentally got my neighbor’s copy of Inside the Vatican.
Flu Season
This morning I went to Walgreens and got the “Affluenza” vaccine. It seems to be working. I no longer want to hang out in Mexican strip clubs with my mother.
Have Another
Parents who violated the former 1-child policy in China are asking to have their fines dismissed, now that it is legal to have 2 children. They believe that having 2 children is punishment enough.
Salad Days
Being a vegetarian has its ups and downs. The upside is no animals are harmed by my eating habits. The downside is I have no joy in my life.
Repeat Performance
Las Vegas police are investigating singer Chris Brown in the possible assault of a woman. Brown claims that he was feeling pressure from his record label, who threatened to drop him unless he turned out another hit this year.
Baaad Romance
I just learned that North Carolina has a dating website for “Farmers Only.” Apparently they are the number one site for creating meaningful relationships between cowhands and sheep.
Boogie Nights
Last night I went to a roller skating party for New Year’s Eve. The drinks were flowing and this morning I woke up between two women. One was taking my temperature and the other was stitching up my forehead.