The 2 remaining escaped inmates were captured after being spotted at a San Francisco Whole Foods Market. The fugitives blew their cover while arguing over how they could have gotten everything cheaper at Trader Joe’s.
All posts by JCR
The Breaking of the Fellowship
Bac Duong, one of the 3 escaped California prisoners, has turned himself in to authorities. The other two men are still in hiding, currently wondering why Duong is taking so long in the bathroom.
I Remember It Well
A new study shows that only 1 out of 4 older adults tell their doctor that they are experiencing memory loss, as the other 3 completely missed their appointments.
Shake It Off
Last night Bill O’Reilly agreed to forgive Donald Trump’s milkshake debt if Trump would participate in tonight’s debate on FOX News. It was a smart move, as O’Reilly’s milkshakes have historically brought all the boys to the yard.
Going Out of Business
El Salvador is advising its women to not have babies for 2 years in response to the Zika virus outbreak. And once again, I have picked the wrong time and place to launch my Central American sperm bank franchise.
I’ll Be Fine
A government advisory group has recommended that all adults get screened for depression as part of a routine checkup, news of which is really bumming out the 33 million Americans who still don’t have health insurance.
Selling Like Hotcakes
McDonald’s is experiencing a boost in sales since launching the new all-day breakfast menu. However, some customers are questioning their decision to only serve hamburgers between 7:30 and 8:45am.
It’s in the Mail
Unabomber Ted Kaczynski has sent thousands of letters to friends and supporters during his 17-year prison sentence. Knowing his violent history I was hesitant to open mine, but to my pleasant surprise it was a Starbucks gift card.
Curse of the Pharaoh
In Egypt, 8 museum workers are facing disciplinary action for knocking off King Tut’s beard and then glueing it back on with epoxy. As punishment, they will all have to continue working in a boring museum.
Get the Hell Out
My cat just told me he wants to start seeing other owners. I told him that was fine, but I’m keeping the scratching post.