Yesterday President Obama announced that more Americans die from opioid overdoses than from traffic accidents. He believes we can reverse this troubling statistic by coming together as a nation and driving really shitty.
All posts by JCR
Bird Bird Bird
A small house finch landed on Bernie Sander’s podium while he was giving a speech on Saturday. It was a welcome distraction from the vultures that have been circling his campaign bus.
The Searchers
I was put in charge of organizing an Easter egg hunt for the neighborhood kids this morning. They’re still out there looking right now. Maybe next year I’ll get off my ass and hide some eggs.
Good For Your Heart
In an online tweet, Donald Trump threatened to “spill the beans” about Ted Cruz’s wife. Cruz is furious at Trump, not only for going after his family, but for potentially wasting perfectly good legumes.
Azúcar Moreno
The Rolling Stones are preparing to give a historical free concert in Havana. The people of Cuba would have preferred to see Paul McCartney, but you can’t always get what you want.
Shake Your Money Maker
President Obama danced the tango at a state dinner in Argentina last night while Donald Trump and Ted Cruz stayed at home in America and continued to do the hustle.
Ms. Trial
Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has signed a deal to be the judge on a reality courtroom TV show. It will be the only legal drama in which every episode the judge pleads insanity.
Keep Calm and Carry-on
At LAX, a flight attendant abandoned her luggage which was later discovered to contain 69 lbs. of cocaine. Honestly, you’d think that of all people, a flight attendant would know there is a 50 lb. limit on bags.
Fun for the Whole Familia
Today President Obama is visiting Cuba. He’s there to introduce his newest plan – to close GTMO and re-open it as a Dave and Buster’s.
Rant and Rave
Ultra Music Fest is taking place in Miami this weekend. It’s where America’s youth can behave like animals while listening to total garbage. Like a Trump rally for kids.