The city of Chicago is experiencing a growing rat problem. The commissioner says they are thriving on open garbage and dog droppings, but it’s none of my business what their elected officials eat for lunch.
All posts by JCR
Still in Circulation
Celebrated children’s author Beverly Cleary will turn 100-years-old tomorrow. After writing over 40 books and selling millions of copies worldwide, she hopes to finally relax and enjoy middle age.
Class Dismissed
The FBI created a fake online university to catch foreigners trying to get bogus student visas. While the sting was a success, the university has been voted 2016’s worst party school.
Gimme Some Money
My local NPR station is in the middle of their Spring pledge drive. It’s so annoying. Just when things get interesting they bust in with quality news and thought-provoking interviews.
It’s Unaminous
I just finished watching the final episode of “The People vs. OJ Simpson” and the verdict is in. There will be no Emmy nomination for John Travolta.
Kung Fooled You
Jackie Chan has been hiding his money in an off-shore bank account. The IRS hasn’t felt this betrayed by him since watching Rush Hour 2.
I Go To Rio
The Brazilian tourism board is concerned that ticket sales for the 2016 Summer Olympics are currently only at 50 percent. To drum up business, they are now offering bottomless Caipirinhas if while visiting you contract the Zika virus.
Unable To Connect
A man from Hong Kong spent $50,000 building a robot that looks surprisingly like Scarlett Johansson. The robot has artificial intelligence capabilities and has already taught itself how to say, “get the hell off of me.”
Who’s With Me
Yesterday, Donald Trump’s comments on abortion were so off base that he is now under attack from both the pro-choice and the pro-life movement. I’m guessing that today Donald is wishing he was never born.
Dig It
President Obama will be hosting an International Jazz Day concert at the White House next month. I find this pretty strange, considering only three days ago he was trying to discourage heroin and opioid use.