My sister accused me of not listening to her when she talks to me. At least I think that’s what she said.
All posts by JCR
In Cold Blood
Tonight I was shocked to discover my rear window smashed in and a live tropical snake inside of my car. That’s the last time I forget my mother’s birthday.
I’ll Pass
English pop singer Adele turned down an offer to perform at this year’s Super Bowl half-time show. She said she’s never really been a fan of soccer.
Golden Boy
People are calling Michael Phelps the greatest Olympian of all time. Past US gold medalists Carl Lewis and Mary Lou Retton are in total agreement, however Bruce Jenner was unavailable for comment.
Double Trouble
CEO Rupert Murdoch has replaced Roger Ailes with two co-presidents, potentially doubling the amount of sexual harassment at Fox News.
Mean Girls
Donald Trump said his remarks that Obama founded ISIS were sarcastic. Obama responded to Trump by rolling his eyes with a dismissive “whatevs.”
Under Pressure
Rapper Vanilla Ice threw a temper tantrum at Atlanta International Airport after missing his flight. Witnesses said they hadn’t seen him that hot since 1991.
Reality Bites
Dating in Miami is more difficult than in most cities. Now women can use Zika as a legitimate excuse not to sleep with me.
That’s Not What He Said
Running mates Donald Trump and Michael Pence were in direct conflict with each other 3 times this week. Better get it together, fellas. You’ve got a country to burn down.
Word of Mouth
The Associated Press reported that there is no scientific evidence to support the benefits of flossing. “I knew it!” said Gummy McNoTeeth.